Zen retention bonus

March 19th, 2009

All this talk of undeserved bailouts and ill-gotten bonuses has me scratching my head. What, exactly, is a retention bonus? And then mine came.

Yesterday I walked out my front door under the lazy beat of the afternoon heat to wheel my four garbage cans out onto the curb. Yes, four. One for trash trash, the dirty stuff. One for recyclables, although I hear that in these dire times they aren’t recycling them anymore. And two for the green waste, the clippings, leaves and branches that we harvest from my yard by the ton. As I yanked the dusty bins from the driveway to the street for the umpteenth time I realized I was wearing the same Old Navy denim capri pants I always wear, my only denim capri pants, although they ride too high and are cut too short and in truth are half a size too big, the pants I bought so long ago I can’t count the years, the ones I rarely wash or tend, that have ferried me through the thick of post-pregnancy and post-menopause and completely across the broad span of my middle years, pants no one else would want or wear, but I senselessly, foolishly, stubbornly – as is the nature of retention – retain them still.

The bonus? They still fit!

That was my retention bonus. I’m not giving it back.

A companion post to the Zen stimulus plan.


  1. Those sound just like my pants. I’ve lost a touch of weight (just a touch mind you) but enough to make them too big. But get rid of them? No way! I’d have nothing to wear. And so I walk around and hitch them up and walk around again. A nice bit of ribbon tied about the waist might do me a bit of good. My pants will be retained. ;o)

    Comment by Shalet — March 20, 2009 @ 12:14 am

  2. i can relate. i just patched the holes in my jeans. and satch has informed me that the ragged fleece i wear in the morning to keep warm is “ugly, mama, and so is your blue vest”…and by that i think he means worn out because they are not ugly.

    Comment by Wendy — March 20, 2009 @ 12:14 pm

  3. I have a pair of black sweatpants, bought during the early part of my pregnancy, that I still wear as pajamas 10 years later. I’ve thought about releasing them, but I’d say they have a year or two left. Now that’s a bonus!

    Comment by Judy Merrill-Smith — March 20, 2009 @ 6:38 pm

  4. Ok. I am still wearing nursing bras.

    My youngest is 12!

    Comment by Anonymous — March 20, 2009 @ 11:19 pm

  5. Ah, yes. I think that is my entire wardrobe.

    Comment by denise — March 21, 2009 @ 5:00 am

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