One unique visitor

January 27th, 2008

This post was inspired by Heather Armstrong (yes, that Heather), because I recently read an interview where she estimated that her blog had 55,000 unique site visitors every weekday. The interview was two years ago, so by now she probably has 5,555,000 unique site visitors every day. Can you imagine that? She’s so damn popular, so beautiful, so rich, so thin, so funny, so blonde, so talented, so insanely in love with her man, who seems so dependably to hold her hand and ease her way and make her laugh, that it unleashes in me a depth of awe and adulation that is indistinguishable, at times, from gut-rumbling hatred. Oh well. She has what she has, and I have my one unique site visitor.

One night last week I was checking my sitemeter for the 55,000th time that hour, and I spoke up to my dh, who for the sake of his privacy I’ll call “Ned.”

I said, “Hey Ned, someone just searched my blog for entries with the word h-u-s-b-a-n-d!” For the sake of my privacy, I’m spelling the word out every time I use it from here on out.

I turned to look at him then as he sat behind his laptop all of six feet away from me, and we both knew even before he grinned and said, “It was me.” Ned, sitting in the same house in the same room at the same time with me, searches my blog for some clue about my feelings for him, I suppose. Something unsaid to him but broadcast on and in-between the lines to my readers, a vast and influential audience steadily approaching 55,000.

This, friends, is the nature of our relationship. I’m not so sure that it isn’t the nature of every man-woman relationship, the nature of every marriage. The peculiar distance in sharing life side-by-side; the gulf between interests, feelings and pastimes; the doubt and isolation; the language, the view, the time, the space, the worlds that we do not occupy in common.

I’m dedicating this week to talking about this, this strange and universal phenomenon in partnerships and marriage, this unique visitor that some of us spell h-u-s-b-a-n-d.

Please keep me company. My Ned is out of town, your Ned might be out of town, and either way we always have each other.


  1. I’m looking forward to your follow-up posts.

    Comment by Shelli — January 27, 2008 @ 9:31 pm

  2. ooooh, this makes me excited.
    looking forward to hearing your thoughts and words.
    my own husband is one thing I just can’t bring myself to really write about on my blog.
    you’ve got me on the edge of my seat. 🙂

    Comment by bella — January 27, 2008 @ 10:54 pm

  3. That is one subject I often avoid while blogging. Looking forward to this week’s posts.

    Comment by TZT — January 27, 2008 @ 11:49 pm

  4. i had to smile as you described the scenario. that would be something my husband would do. they are a cute and lovable species, if at times slightly maddening. looking forward to reading more 🙂

    Comment by sarah — January 28, 2008 @ 1:26 am

  5. It surprised me when I learned that “my Ned” was reading my blog. Maybe he does because it is the one thing I write I don’t specifically not allow him to read.

    Oh those Neds…I’d given up expecting to ever have one and now I’m rather startled that I do.

    Look forward to the conversation.

    Comment by marta — January 28, 2008 @ 3:09 am

  6. Don’t currently have a Ned, so I am looking forward to reading about yours and living vicariously through you.

    Comment by Kapuananiokalaniakea — January 28, 2008 @ 6:43 am

  7. Husbands are silly creatures.

    Weirdly enough they know way more about us than we think they do, and once in a while can surprise us with it.

    My husband brought me home a new office chair today. From his office. That he got just by talking to the facilities manager and telling her about my back problems.

    It’s a $1600 chair, fully adjustable…..

    Husbands are funny and silly and great, huh?

    Comment by donna — January 28, 2008 @ 8:49 am

  8. you KNOW my Ned is going to be out of town for 3 months. I’ll be here waiting and reading.

    Comment by Irene — January 28, 2008 @ 12:12 pm

  9. My friends and I have had this discussion many times. Especially when we first started blogging. Would our husbands take interest in our online declarations?

    Zack’s response was, and has always been “I don’t need to read the blog, I AM THE BLOG”.

    Which was cute – but I think he strolls on over there from time to time. At first it felt really important that he be overtly interested, but I think they like to act as though they already know everything. perhaps its a security blanket?


    Comment by stella — January 28, 2008 @ 3:14 pm

  10. I am in a cafe and people think I am a crazy woman because I laughed out loud (like really hard).

    ha ha ha …

    I’m in!!

    Comment by Mika — January 28, 2008 @ 4:20 pm

  11. My Ned has never gone to my blog without my prompting him to. I’m the one always wanting to share.

    Ah, Neds.

    Can’t wait for the week’s posts!

    xo Jena

    Comment by Jena Strong — January 28, 2008 @ 5:54 pm

  12. I recently interviewed someone about blogging and she said that it wasn’t until her husband started his own blog that she was able to reconnect with him in their parenting years.

    My Ned is gone way too much and I do owe him a good, solid post to thank him yet again.

    But, marriage … humpf. It’s interesting!

    Comment by Shawn — January 28, 2008 @ 6:12 pm

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