I hate you*

September 22nd, 2009

*and other ways to say I love you.

Today I had a: conversation/fight/tantrum/major meltdown.
The fact is, I’m having a tough time with the transition to: going back to work/daycare/no sleep/solids/no nap/the big bed/the twos/the threes/a new sibling/the layoff/the new job/kindergarten/fourth grade.
I’m just so frustrated with: naptime/potty training/bedtime/no time to myself.
I shouted/screamed/slammed the door/broke down/sobbed/made her cry.
I should have: seen it coming/stopped in my tracks/used my words/taken a break/left the room/given myself a timeout.
This is so much harder than: I thought/anyone told me/it was last year.
How can I: learn from my mistakes/do better/raise my child differently?

My friend Kris Laroche sent me a Feeleez game recently to give away on this blog. Because of all of the above, I feel happy to share it with you now.

Kris is one of the founders of Feeleez, which originated tools to teach kids what some folks call emotional intelligence.

Getting along peacefully is what we all want to do. A tool to help our children identify and talk about their feelings helps parents talk about their feelings too. Personally speaking, that has always been a more urgent need in our household, and that’s why I’m so glad to offer you this gift.

Kris was an early adopter of Momma Zen, for which I feel so grateful, and she checked in with me recently to find out how else I was feeling. Frankly, Kris, I’m feeling relieved now that I said all this, and empathize with all the moms who I know are having a rough go of it these days.

I’m giving away a beautifully crafted and packaged Feeleez Empathy Game with 25 matching pairs of Feeleez cards to help you and your children learn to recognize and express feelings in a non-confrontational way. It comes with a guide for several game ideas including memory games and charades. It’s a lovely addition to your home or classroom.

To enter, simply leave a comment telling me how you feel right now, including a way to contact you by blog or email if you win. Seriously, I feel sad when I choose a winner that I can’t contact! The giveaway ends next Monday, Sept. 28. Enter as often as you like whenever the feeling strikes.

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  1. Affectionate. Resentful. Capable. Insecure. Confident. Anxious. Content. Dissatisfied. In control. Overwhelmed. Assured. Worried.

    All in the past 15 minutes.


    Comment by laura — September 23, 2009 @ 1:37 am

  2. neeeeeed these!!!! what a great idea.

    right now i'm seriously considering standing on the tracks. it's been a doozy and my coping skills are d o w n r i v e r….

    thank you for reminding me that i get to have my feelings, too!! 🙂

    Comment by pixie — September 23, 2009 @ 1:38 am

  3. Overwhelmed.




    And after reading my list, guilty.

    (mreid14 AT hotmail dOT com)

    Comment by Mandy — September 23, 2009 @ 2:03 am

  4. I feel tired, I feel tired of saying I'm tired. I feel invisible, inadequate and after reading everyone else's comments, relieved that I am not alone. I feel we need more forums to express how we feel and like one reader said, we need to be asked. I feel like I would like to get out of this funk I've been in. And like another reader said, I feel guilty for saying all of this too.

    If I win, you can email me at: catherine@beautifulbith.ca.

    Comment by beautiful birth — September 23, 2009 @ 2:33 am

  5. I feel grateful that the kids are in bed and I have this "me" time to catch up on wonderful blogs such as this. Kudos to your friend Kris for such a creative game. I can see it being helpful for kids and adults alike. That comes from yours truly, a play therapist.

    Comment by Jodi — September 23, 2009 @ 2:39 am

  6. Hi, I'm Pilar and I am FRAZZLED: too tired, too short-tempered, too sick of breathing in mold, too eager to pack up the moving van. If I could make a sound, it would be something like NYA-YA, y'know, that sound you make when you get a slight electrical shock when plugging in an old lamp (or something of the sort). But as my 2-year-old is asleep, I will simply vent in silence, the clicking of the keypad keeping time with the crickets out me' window. (i LOVE feeleez.)

    Comment by mama p — September 23, 2009 @ 2:52 am

  7. I feel grateful and a little more peaceful after coming over here to visit! I came over to invite you to stop by the blog- I have a post relating to you how much I enjoy your perspective and have over the last few years. Please stop by when you have time.

    And I feel watchful my dear little one goes under general anesthesia for the first time tomorrow for ear tube placement.

    and with that I feel hopeful that that her new tubes will improve her hearing.

    The blog- http://www.thetaooftulips.wordpress.com

    Comment by Anonymous — September 23, 2009 @ 3:38 am

  8. i feel humbled and inspired, by ALL of you. i want to ask all of you every day how you are feeling, because just creating the space to say it, shifts it. and we all need more of that kind of space, don't you think? i feel grateful to you all for doing what you are doing, being who you are being, every moment, quietly, often alone. i also feel honoured to be partnered with nathan mctague (parenting coach) and natalie christensen (artist), both co-creators of feeleez and devoted parents. wanting you all to know them, too.
    you are loved, each of you.
    thank you.

    Comment by kris laroche — September 23, 2009 @ 3:50 am

  9. happy.


    what a great game! and lovely post.

    Comment by Terri Fischer — September 23, 2009 @ 4:22 am

  10. Right now I feel….

    breathing out…

    emotional intelligence 'overwhelmed'.

    Soooo tiring to think shall i react/not react/do the adult thing/be objective..

    i want to be 2.5 years old, and allowed to throw myself down on the floor and scream! And after the screaming I want to get in bed…cry a bit..and then quietly fall asleep…waking up to a new morning…

    (and this is about big people…if it only was little people it would have been easier). xx

    Comment by pERIWiNKLe — September 23, 2009 @ 10:12 am

  11. Tired…just tired. I wish it was a peaceful tired but right now, it isn't. Thanks for the giveaway. Looking forward to seeing you in a couple of weeks!! kellygillett@sio.midco.net

    Comment by kelly g. — September 23, 2009 @ 11:50 am

  12. I am feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Layoffs are looming at my job and if I'm laid off I will likely lose my house. I'm the main breadwinner and am barely making it as it is. I'm dealing with a tween boy at home and that is also exhausting and frustrating. Some days I feel like I just want to stay in bed all day and sleep. I know things could be worse, but I keep wondering when/if they will get better?!


    Comment by Laura — September 23, 2009 @ 2:06 pm

  13. I feel sad and irritated that I had to pick up my daughter at school at 10:30 am because she was having a "hard time" in the regular ed 6th grade class. The special ed teacher was out and they didn't have a sub.

    So, sad that my daughter, after 10 years of solid dedication and countless therapies by her parents and teachers and therapistss could not handle this somewhat small change and irritated that the school couldn't make arrangements.


    Comment by Susan — September 23, 2009 @ 3:29 pm

  14. Right now, I feel really happy that you posted this. Until reading it just now, I felt run over by a truck, which is pretty typical. I have two small children, husband, house, full-time job…just like a lot of people, and we're all just slogging through. I often feel that my troubles are unique and uniquely unmanagable, but they're not, and knowing that helps so much.

    The 3-year old is already in touch with his feelings, as he shouted "I'M REALLY ANGRY RIGHT NOW MAMA!" at 6:30 this morning when his 9-month old sister pulled his hair. I'll take that as a good sign.

    Comment by BettyBoop — September 23, 2009 @ 3:43 pm

  15. how am I feeling???? I feel very grateful, inspired along with feeling stuck and a bit trapped…xoxo

    Comment by stef — September 23, 2009 @ 6:00 pm

  16. I feel lonely. And unsure. Mostly lonely.

    Comment by delicateflower — September 23, 2009 @ 7:22 pm

  17. I'm feeling calm, and like I have just a moment of it before my son wakes up. I want him to wake up, and I want to play with him, yet I am relishing getting to do things that I love to do (solo). I feel… blessed.

    Comment by Char — September 23, 2009 @ 11:42 pm

  18. (in case I forgot my e-mail, I clicked that little box for follow-up comments this time)
    Now I'm feeling excited–the Papa of the house just stepped in!

    Comment by Char — September 23, 2009 @ 11:46 pm

  19. Okay–not trying to load the comments all in one stop–I just wanted to say thank you for this particular post (and all of the posts, too). I feel relieved that I'm not the only one who "loses it." It's embarrassing, especially for someone who meditates, says she wants peace for this world, etc. Ahh. I can still mess-up and want peace, too, after the dust settles. Thank you.

    Comment by Char — September 23, 2009 @ 11:49 pm

  20. I'm feeling a little frayed at the ends, and my center feels semi-solid.

    Comment by elizabeth — September 24, 2009 @ 12:09 am

  21. because you asked, I noticed I was all a-clenched in that moment. Then I breathed. Then some more. Now I'm much less clenched. thanks.
    🙂 hahamommy@gmail.com

    Comment by hahamommy — September 24, 2009 @ 7:09 am

  22. lonely. for no reason at all, i am feeling utterly alone in a crowd of strangers.

    im going "home" next week and hoping it will be enough to fill my heart and soul with magic.

    Comment by Tanaya — September 24, 2009 @ 8:49 pm

  23. I'm a grandmom and my heart goes out to all the moms here. All the aches and pains and joys and hopes–the frustration, the fears, the hopeless feelings, the anger–resonate with me.

    I'm feeling extremely grateful today. One of my daughters-in-law was in a bad accident yesterday and came away unhurt and thank goodness neither of the children were with her!

    Comment by Angel — September 24, 2009 @ 8:54 pm

  24. I'm feeling productive after being sick for several days and napping a ton.

    Comment by Paula — September 24, 2009 @ 9:02 pm

  25. Right now I'm feeling sub-dude.

    Comment by jena strong — September 24, 2009 @ 9:29 pm

  26. I don't have a child, but I have a borderline, alcoholic parent for whom I am now doing elder care, and open communication about feelings (or the lack thereof) is constantly tripping us up. This tool looks SO like it could help. Where do I get one if I don't win it? ABNewc@gmail.com

    Comment by Gemma — September 24, 2009 @ 10:04 pm

  27. right now i feel calm, centered, and deliriously happy. so so good.


    Comment by jenica — September 24, 2009 @ 10:53 pm

  28. Feeling seventies—when you needed a phone number to find someone.

    Comment by Lisa — September 26, 2009 @ 1:47 am

  29. Feeling moved by the music, taunted by the picnic lunch that waits to be prepared, in awe of the growing, growing, growing boy. So much unfinished this day, but fulfilled anyway.

    Comment by Kristin — September 26, 2009 @ 3:32 am

  30. proud that I was present and calm for my 4 yr olds screaming raging tantrum and showed her she did not have to run and hide to scream, that I could be there and handle it. exhausted from new school, scheduling child's speech and OT classes, exhausted from a 6, 4, and 2 year old who always need me, tired of being tired, tired of being exhausted, tired of no time, tired of trying to just find time. grateful for the first two loose teeth, grateful for their smiles, grateful for their general okay health and wishing mine would improve. Grateful to have made a healthy dinner mostly from my own grown vegetables, wishing it had not exhausted me so to make. Going to sleep, happy to have read your blog and know I am not alone.

    annakatherine @ indigocranedotcom

    Comment by Anonymous — September 26, 2009 @ 5:21 am

  31. I feel overwhelmed by the enormity of my role at the college where I work. So much rides on what I decide. So many people affected, including students who are going into deep debt for what they believe is a great education. At the same time that I feel my choices are important, I notice that the whole enterprise is completely made up–we make up what is important to teach and learn and do. Maybe it would be better if we all just took a walk, baked a pie, hummed to a song, went for a swim, noticed each other a bit more.


    Comment by krusso — September 26, 2009 @ 6:27 pm

  32. I feel proud of jumping in head first to my commitment to make 100 drawings in a month. It's going well. And I am proud of myself for staying committed to going to the gym every other day (a record for me, for sure!).

    Comment by Belinda Fireman — September 26, 2009 @ 9:04 pm

  33. I'm feeling cautiously optimistic.
    –Bernadette Geyer

    Comment by Bernadette Geyer — September 26, 2009 @ 10:53 pm

  34. I'm feeling okay that he says he doesn't want a mommy if we have to "share" him because he wouldn't want either of us if we were still together.

    Comment by Kristin — September 27, 2009 @ 3:36 pm

  35. I'm feeling content – all will work out for r good.

    Comment by Donna — September 27, 2009 @ 6:10 pm

  36. Feeling stressed, sad, overwhelmed, settled, happy, cosy, breathing, breathing, tight, loose, vunerable, protected, breathing, breathing, breathing, surprised, observant, holding on tight and trying to let go, silling, serious, sleepy, awake and breathing, breathing, breathing…

    from susanna

    Comment by Anonymous — September 27, 2009 @ 7:28 pm

  37. A little sad that my 3 year old daughter was hesitant to go to school today because I am her "favorite person and won't be there," but proud that she said goodbye without tears.

    The good and the bad of parenting are eaqually difficult to manage sometimes.

    Comment by HMG — September 28, 2009 @ 3:12 pm

  38. A little sad that my 3 year old daughter was hesitant to go to school today because I am her "favorite person and won't be there," but proud that she said goodbye without tears.

    The good and the bad of parenting are eaqually difficult to manage sometimes.

    Comment by HMG — September 28, 2009 @ 3:12 pm

  39. I feel numb after several months of little disasters, but strangely on the edge of peace, too.

    Comment by gpc — September 28, 2009 @ 10:29 pm

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