How to make a baby

November 15th, 2009

Add baby.
Dispose of birth plan.
Put all cashmere out of reach.
Abandon eurostyle.
Abandon style.
Piss on style.
Shop Wal-Mart in haste and desperation.
Beg for hand-me-downs.
Wear husband’s sweatpants.
Every day.
Leave room for baby weight, flat feet, worry lines and permanent scars.
Resemble your grandmother.
Forget bathing.
Luxuriate in a hot shower for 7 seconds one day.
Forget that day.
Chop off your hair.
Lose your head.
Soak all stains overnight in salty tears.
(The stains remain and the tears return.)
Simmer in fatigue.
Whisk in exhaustion.
Churn the night into the day.
Let surface harden until brittle.
Scrape the bottom.
Let time evaporate.
Give up completely.
Make nothing.
Except mac and cheese microwaved for 3.5 minutes on High.
Love without doubt.

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  1. yep.

    Comment by wifemotherexpletive — November 15, 2009 @ 3:20 pm

  2. *smile* My list also has "Wear lipstick every day". This is the thing I promised myself to feel good each day, especially when I hadn't showered for um..a few days…

    Comment by zannestar — November 15, 2009 @ 6:50 pm

  3. Ahhhh…so much to look forward to in coming days!

    Comment by Jennifer — November 15, 2009 @ 7:25 pm

  4. Exactly. And lest any parents-to-be fret at the realities, please know the final outcome (to be savored over time) is delicious.

    Comment by Lisa — November 15, 2009 @ 11:54 pm

  5. I read your book when I was fragile and doubtful of myself and in and out of depression and sure I was the worst Mom alive.

    It helped me breathe. So many of your posts here do too.

    I'm a Christian, you're a Buddhist Priest, but I'm convinced that Jesus used that book to speak to my heart and help me to relax into mothering.

    Just wanted to say I'm thankful for your words.

    Comment by Val — November 16, 2009 @ 12:12 am

  6. Perfect!

    Comment by Beth Smith — November 16, 2009 @ 12:42 am

  7. yep..this is about right!!! i love knowing i am not the only one!! xo

    Comment by Jamie lyn — November 16, 2009 @ 2:20 am

  8. Val,
    I have to agree you're absolutely spot on. I love Jesus, and I've never been more Christian in my life.

    Isn't it nice that we can make it work out that way? No one has to be wrong.

    Comment by Karen Maezen Miller — November 16, 2009 @ 2:25 am

  9. Well, I don't think that I could have said this any better. And being right smack dab in the middle of the first year of motherhood, it's brilliant.

    Comment by alex t — November 16, 2009 @ 5:27 am

  10. Love the post. Thankfully, I think I'm over the hump, and am showering daily now, 4 kids later. Whew! Wanted to add about the Christian-Buddhist thing. I find as I lift the veil, and just wake up to my life, that I feel I am much more a follower of Christ, and much less "Christian" as in what the "Christian" culture tells me to be. Sadly, I'm finding many more examples of Christlikeness outside the church these days. :-/

    Comment by Emme — November 16, 2009 @ 8:34 pm

  11. Emme,
    All the more reason to rejoice and be glad in it!

    Comment by Karen Maezen Miller — November 16, 2009 @ 8:58 pm

  12. Amen! xo

    Comment by Emme — November 16, 2009 @ 9:13 pm

  13. Thank you to you and all your readers for the kind and wonderful thoughts. It's wonderful to know there is this community out there. And little did you all know that the day you posted, the 15th, was actually my birthday. What a wonderful birthday present and what a fun post. Love to you all.

    Comment by Theresa — November 16, 2009 @ 9:19 pm

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