For reforming healthcare in the United States, preventing the angry and overprivileged from being a burden to their children or country and making them beneficial to the public.

1. Pass healthcare reform.
2. Outlaw televised town halls.
3. Cut out television.
4. Read quietly.
5. Remove refrigerator lightbulbs.
6. Better yet, curtail residential electricity between 9 p.m.-5 a.m.
7. Go to bed when it gets dark.
8. Raise gasoline taxes and fund a National Sidewalk Act.
9. Pound salt, hit the bricks or take a hike.
10. Don’t believe anyone who says they can see Russia from Alaska.
11. Eat like the French. Or rather, don’t eat like the French don’t eat.
12. Regulate cupholders.
13. Forget the drive-thru.
14. Ban antibacterial soap.
15. Floss.
16. Rebrand, reposition, repurpose and relaunch beets, cabbage, chard and sardines.
17. Hand wash cold. Line dry. Cool iron when needed.
18. Trust me, this only happens in Hollywood.
19. Pry this computer from my cold, dead hands.
20. Laugh. It’s the only medicine you can afford, and it may be the only one that actually works.

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