advice for those who stay

November 12th, 2019

Please don’t look for anything or feel the need to fabricate a feeling. A long illness takes us through every stage of denial, anger and loss well before death occurs. The fact that feelings come and go, that all things come and go, means that we are intimately acquainted with death already, in every moment. There is nothing more to be made of it.

When my mother died, I felt so small in the face of a power, an event, that had no meaning, and over which I had no control. We ourselves give false meaning and false control to everything that comes before. So this could be the most real thing you’ve ever seen. We have nothing to do with it, and nothing to add. I wouldn’t call that being useless. I would call it being.

You will sense the liberation when it comes, the cessation of struggle and suffering. There is no way to receive that as anything but a blessing. In my case, as in yours, it is a blessing for all. Unscripted, as it is.

I wasn’t present for my mother’s death, but when her last call came, I told her I loved her. That’s it, from beginning to end.

When my father died, it was the end of a life lived in pain and anger. He died on his terms, and it happened fast. I told him something that was inconceivable at any other point in my life or his. I told him that I was proud of him, and I meant it.

Now you will meet and console others in their fatigue and grief. You will do what needs doing. It is all quite matter-of-fact. Let it be. Let it be. Let it be.

Hold these things in your heart and let yourself be led into the quiet stillness of the hour. Stay there.

Photo by Douglas Bagg on Unsplash



  1. My husband’s aunt died, today. The funeral is friday. I’ll keep this in mind, thank you very much.

    Comment by Simone — November 12, 2019 @ 9:19 am

  2. Maezen…I feel as though this post was meant for me and my family. The timing is perfect. Thank you.

    Comment by Linda Rice — November 12, 2019 @ 9:27 am

  3. There are coincidences are there? Life happens <3 I am happy someone I love thinks so also, Maezen.

    Comment by Mary Petro — November 12, 2019 @ 1:27 pm

  4. What’s hardest, sometimes, is staying still. Thank you for your wise counsel, Maezen. Always. <3 <3 <3

    Comment by Jean Breheney — November 13, 2019 @ 9:59 am

  5. You know, the most beautiful things come out of that mind of yours ♡ Thank you. This is perfect.

    Comment by Bonnie Rae Nygren — November 14, 2019 @ 10:01 am

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