Why trust? And why trust me to say so?
It’s not as though I’ve never known loss, fear, anger, depression or confusion. It’s not as though my relationship works. It’s not as though I’m the world’s most wonderful mother. With the world’s most wonderful kid (even though, like all kids, she is). I’m not better than anyone else. I don’t have my shit together. No, I’m not at all trustworthy in that kind of way.
The trust I’m selling isn’t something you can get from me. You can’t get it from a book, not even the really good ones. It’s not found in inspirational quotes, although it’s nice to run across them here and there.
It’s not something you get from a TV show, not even that really uplifting and helpful TV show, because the good feeling fades as soon as you change the channel. It’s not something you get when something really good happens, or something that you lose when disaster strikes. We say we lose our trust when really bad things happen, but what we’ve lost is the false certainty, the comfortable bubble, that only good things happen to good people.
So where do you get trust? You won’t believe me, but you already have it. You have it when you surrender, if you ever do, to a night’s slumber and open your eyes to another day. Everytime you exhale your breath, and in that half-minute before you automatically inhale again. You have it when you put on your shoes, or when you don’t, and you walk across this great Earth without falling off. You have it when you look up at the moon and see that wherever you go, wherever you are, it is always over your shoulder.
It is not by accident that you came here; it is not by chance.
So I will entrust you with the only thing I can give you. A notice once again that I am teaching a one-day meditation retreat that is perfect for you a week from now on Sunday, Nov. 4. It is the best way, and the fastest way, and the everlasting way, to uncover deep trust in your life.
If you cannot heed my offer this time, then hurry to the next, when not by accident or chance we meet again.
Oh, I wish I could get there … any chance you can get it on YouTube?
I trust that you can. : )
Comment by Shawn — October 26, 2007 @ 10:55 am
It would be brilliant to see on YouTube if you could Karen. There’s no way I could be there, I’m living on an island, far, far, away.
Comment by Tracy — October 26, 2007 @ 1:39 pm
Now wouldn’t that just be wonderful to attend.
Thank you for a perfect Friday morning post.
Comment by denise — October 26, 2007 @ 2:05 pm
When I was eight (or thereabouts) my mother sent me on a meditation retreat with some friends of hers. I have only vague memories of the experience, but the one thing I remember clearly was breakfast–because the family I was with insisted I cut the slivers of fat out of my bacon.
Well, all the same, a retreat would be grand, but not this time around–for many reasons, not least because it is NaNoWriMo and I’ll be writing like a loon.
in trust…
Comment by marta — October 26, 2007 @ 3:01 pm
Friends, I’m afraid a video of people sitting and staring at a wall would be, well . . . unenlightening to say the least. After all, it’s what you find out for yourself in meditation, not what someone tells you. But thanks for the fanlove.
And bacon? Not sure what kind of meditators those were but in Buddhism, we resolve the bacon question before we even begin!
Comment by Karen — October 26, 2007 @ 3:23 pm
Okay, I’m going to trust that one day I will get on an airplane and spend a whole week at the meditation center. That felt good just to put it on my goals list.
Comment by Shannon — October 26, 2007 @ 3:45 pm
My husband and I have had some trust issues in the past. But you EXACTLY hit the nail on the head when you said its not trust that was lost, but the comfortable bubble. Because every time I told him that I no longer trusted him, I knew that wasn’t what I was feeling, but it was as close as I could describe. I can’t wait for him to come home, so I can show him this entry.
I love what you write. Every day it’s like an eye opener. An inner sigh as I realize something new. And you do it well–it doesn’t come across as stuffy or lecture-y or boring, I look forward to reading each post.
Comment by Momma_Phoenix — October 26, 2007 @ 4:03 pm
I have a feeling one day I will meet you at the retreat center.
Even if I don’t, I am learning and even trusting that what I seek is already here, in me.
Thank-you.
Comment by bella — October 26, 2007 @ 5:37 pm
I had 2 dreams this week that we met. I know we will, thanks for the invitation, I am thinking of checking out m local equivalent.
Comment by Mika — October 26, 2007 @ 9:51 pm
I’d pay to hear one of Maezen’s dharma talks, but if you want to sit, you can. In fact, I’d recommend starting out with sitting at home before going to even a one day retreat. Of course, I’m a cautious perfectionist sort, but it took me a few weeks before I could sit for 25 minutes. Then I joined a group where we sat for 3 25 minute sessions, and then after some more time starting going to all day and multi-day sits. I might go so far as to say that slow steady change in your habits is probably a good idea most of the time. Short sharp shocks can be exciting, but that’s not the point :0) But again, take that with a grain of salt, as I’m always doing things gradually.
But do try sitting. Momma Zen of course has a great section on how to start at the end, and Maezen’s teacher, Maezumi Roshi, has had a number of his talks put together into books on how to sit. It’s basically just sitting, but on a little cushion, preferably with your legs crossed, with your back held up, your head straight, and your eyes down but open a bit. Even just sitting a few minutes each night while the kids settle down is useful.
Comment by Chris Austin-Lane — October 26, 2007 @ 10:43 pm
Like I said, my memory of that weekend is vague, but I believe that I was the only one who ordered bacon with my breakbrast and this was supposed to be some kind of lesson. I don’t remember anyone explaining why I shouldn’t order bacon–I just remember being puzzled that this upset the adults.
Comment by marta — October 27, 2007 @ 4:05 pm
Oops! I’m a month behind on my bog reading and so several weeks behind on that meditation retreat. Maybe next time…
Comment by Mary P Jones (MPJ) — November 22, 2007 @ 5:38 am