Last night we watched old videos, the kind shot on a first generation phone, blown up onto the television screen so the pixels flickered like dust particles before our eyes. Ten-second snippets of pony rides at the park, your made-up love songs and melodramas, a rendition of Swan Lake enacted with tufts of Kleenex bunched in your fists like feathers. You were four.
My heart ached to see your freshness, your radiant bliss, while knowing that I spent each of those incandescent days nearly blind, half-wishing them over, half-wishing them done.
Where will I gather the spent blooms? I’ll gather them here, an offering and a testament to every day’s amazing grace, every moment’s hidden treasure. It’s never too late to find it. It’s never too late to love. Come see.
Mindful Mothering live chat on The Motherhood, Thu., Feb. 10, 1 pm EST
The Plunge at Asilomar, Monterey, Calif., Sat., Feb. 12, 9:30-4
Beginner’s Meditation Retreat, Los Angeles, Calif., Sun., March 13, 9-3
Love Beyond Limits Workshop, Wash., DC, Sat., April 30, 2-4
The Living Brush: Writers & Artists Retreat, Tepotzlan, Mexico, June 24-29
Oh, weeping my eyes out … yes, yes, yes. I wished them over too. Why? Oh to have those days back. xoxoxo
Comment by Lindsey — January 31, 2011 @ 8:32 pm
wow, touching. so true about this motherhood journay. i am most happy when I can be mindful enought to not wish anything away.
Comment by brigid — January 31, 2011 @ 10:40 pm
Oh, I weep too. I am slowly, slowly learning to be myself and a mother at the same time. I know how precious these moments are and I lose myself in them, only to find resentment later. Wanting to find myself in those moments…
Comment by Alana — February 1, 2011 @ 6:45 am
I think about this all the time. How by my choices to do or focus on other things, I’m missing so, so much. I know not to but I do it anyway, and reading this post kicks me in the gut.
I will see you on March 13. Very much looking forward to it.
Comment by katie murphy — February 1, 2011 @ 7:15 pm
A nice reminder of the preciousness of every moment. Last night, my wife and I were talking about our three year olds mis-pronouncations. My favourite was “bacana” for blanket. She had a very precious taggie blanket and she would say “where is my bacana”. These sweet mis-pronouncations would arise as she learned how to say a word and then disappear. It would sometimes take me a few days to realise that it has disappeared. Another moment of our daughter’s childhood passes…. 🙂
Comment by Paul Brennan — February 2, 2011 @ 3:13 pm