50 responses

  1. Kathleen Botsford
    August 26, 2008

    Amen! Amen I say to you! Silence is the kindest thing of all. It took me over 50 years to remember this truth. The practice of silence DOES get easier.

  2. mapelba
    August 26, 2008

    Part of this post reminded me of shopping with my mom-in-law, who is usually kinder than I am. She was looking for a gift for her son-in-law. I pointed to something I thought he would like. She shook her head. “I know he’d probably like it, but I don’t.”

    Oh, but only if she would be like me! ha. and not so ha.

  3. Shawn
    August 26, 2008

    I’d love to read that book … but will you chide me for reading and not practicing???????? lol, friend.

    I do need this lesson. So much right now. Thanks for this.

  4. MonsoonAz
    August 26, 2008

    I feel like you are talking directly to me in the last two posts. I had a daily practice (albeit a small one) that I seem to have lost track of somehow. I keep meaning to get back to the cushion — but keep pushing it off. Your words are a gentle reminder that I already have what I need.

  5. Holly
    August 26, 2008

    love and kindness. this is one of those posts, karen, that i swoon to read, and as i do i find my eyebrows furrowing as i try to get it, understand it, feel it in my bones. . .
    but then i stop and breathe, and just try to read it and let the words sink into me, and do their work without me doing any.
    i’m still on a learning curve here.

  6. Shannon
    August 26, 2008

    Your words are always so timely. I just said last night to my daughter (and more to myself) that we need to stop having so many expectations of the people in our lives. At first I meant so we aren’t so disappointed, but I thought about it later and decided that the better motivation was so there was no judgement. I want to live without judgement. It’s so destructive.
    Love, me…the girl who will be practicing letting things be.

  7. Mindful Mama
    August 26, 2008

    How funny that I just posted about talking less! You said it all beautifully. I want to print it and put it on my mirror. Thanks for your eloquence. Also, thanks for the thoughts on expectations. That really resonates.

  8. Phyllis Sommer
    August 26, 2008

    creating that silence can be so hard….

  9. the Uprising Crew
    August 26, 2008

    thankyou

  10. bluelikethesky
    August 26, 2008

    I’m struggling with silence so much right now, with letting that “I need need need” float away. It is most difficult within the walls of my home.

    Funny, the one place I can find it is with my mom, who will turn 87 this week. We are beginning to say goodbye, as her cancer begins to win. No one lives in the moment better than this tiny woman, who knows nothing of the Buddha.

    This afternoon, my daughter and I sat with her, and time stopped for a bit.

  11. Shalet
    August 26, 2008

    Aaaah – to let things be. That is a lesson I am learning this week. I’m trying my best but the tension in my shoulders tells me otherwise. Maybe I need to stop trying, stop doing and just be.

  12. Jen Lee
    August 26, 2008

    This is just what I needed to read before visiting my family. Thank you!

  13. Bonnie
    August 26, 2008

    loved your blog for the last month since i found it.
    silence and lack of judgements haven’t came easy to me in my life(maybe because i felt it/lack of it from others all my life?).
    delicious food for thought thanks again!

  14. She She
    August 26, 2008

    Good intentions are the enemy of kindness.

    I know this having been on the end of many good intentions. I need to remember this when my good intentions get the best of me.

  15. jakk
    August 26, 2008

    Your words are such a gift …

  16. Lana
    August 26, 2008

    …These days some people in the “help” business might sprinkle the mumbo-jumbo of Buddhist lingo on top of their talk to give it a little spiritual flavor. But unless you practice, the language alone is unfulfilling…

    Darnit, and here I thought I was getting by ok with my daily dose of Oprah!

    Very good post to ponder. Thank you.

  17. Stacy (mama-om)
    August 26, 2008

    I, too, am a new reader…

    This post is so masterful, as in zen master and as in so well-written.

    It is also timely… I just posted this morning about my practice of noble silence every other day at home with my two kids… Well, I try to practice!

    Silence, and listening, is such a gift. Thank you.

  18. Jenell Paris
    August 26, 2008

    Amen. It’s the first day of school today…so much talking.

  19. Shelli
    August 26, 2008

    “Kindness comes from silence. Not the silent treatment, that simmering fury, that toxic resentment; but the nonjudgmental silence of letting things be.”

    AMEN

  20. denise
    August 26, 2008

    I always read and nod through each post. Just what I always ‘need’.

  21. Anna
    August 26, 2008

    Again, thank you for your kind words.

  22. RocketMom Cheryl
    August 27, 2008

    It seems that vacation is good for you. Or for us, your readers. But maybe that is already too many words.

    Thank you for the (un)kindness of this reminder.

  23. Rowena
    August 27, 2008

    I am dealing right now with some very unkind words from someone very close to me of exactly the kind that you talk about. I have refrained from responding, but I am not sure where to go from here. I have always had a problem just letting go when things have gone as far as they have. And when do we call someone on their own unkindness? Is it sometimes more kind to tell someone when they are doing something wrong? I know that is what she thinks she was doing, but where to go from there?

  24. Karen Maezen Miller
    August 27, 2008

    You know, Rowena. There is no where to go but here and there is nothing to say. Words do not teach. The way to end a conflict is to end it. We never change anyone else’s mind. We might only, with great self-discipline, change our own.

  25. Robin
    August 27, 2008

    Wise words indeed…. and I reminder I needed today!

  26. Mary512
    August 27, 2008

    Great giveaway, thanks so much! hellomary018 at yahoo dot com

  27. windycindy
    August 27, 2008

    Hello, What you have written concerning this book really intrigues me! I would love to understand even more. Please enter me in your delightful book drawing. Thanks very much…..Cindi
    jchoppes[at]hotmail[dot]com

  28. Tina
    August 27, 2008

    this sounds like a great book. Thank you. tinawittmer(at)yahoo(dot)com

  29. melanie
    August 27, 2008

    “Good intentions are the enemy of kindness.”

    this is a concept i am very well acquainted with. it takes little reminders to myself that when i enter into a place of trying to ‘spread’ kindness it can often be to earn approval.
    soaking in your post. may take me awhile to grasp the fullness of it. :)

    thank you Karen.
    xo

  30. Mama Zen
    August 27, 2008

    I had to think about this a while. Kindness is doing what needs to be done simply because it has to be done. No expectations, no agenda, no editorial commentary (particularly that annoying inner monologue). Am I even close?

  31. Ms. Ellaneous
    August 27, 2008

    Thanks for this post. I have resisted the practice part. I have some sort of block, and many excuses not to, but it feels like a building urge to just sit, silent. Wish me luck.-Amy

  32. jceko77
    August 27, 2008

    I would like this book because I need to learn to let go
    jceko77@yahoo.com

  33. Bridge
    August 28, 2008

    Being is love; being is kind.

    It is immediate and eternal. It is ever-present, absent the insidious self-centered spin we persist in putting on things.

    Lovely- I just printed and will add this to my gratitude journal I write in each day. thanks for the little gift.

  34. TwinUtero
    August 28, 2008

    I recently moved to South Africa with my family. I find the struggles here overwhelming and feel a constant urge to DO something, to change something. But it’s very hard, for me at least, to know what to do, how to be. Kindness without expectation or judgment is both inspiring and settling. Thanks.

  35. Pam
    August 28, 2008

    Such a thought-provoking post Karen. I have found it insightful also to read the comments.I am glad this book meant so much to you and you wish to share it with others.

  36. Lisa
    August 28, 2008

    Yes. Amazing truths here. Very relevant for me as I’m learning to *be* a life and wellness coach. Need to constantly check in with myself during that process to make sure I’m *be*ing with my clients from the best place possible – for their highest good.

  37. CanCan
    August 28, 2008

    I need a lot of practice with this, as a mom of two young kids. I’m tested every day!

    onlycancan at hotmail dot com

  38. Cat
    August 28, 2008

    I recently wrote back to my sister who I have difficulties with – she wrote a nasty email about my reaching out after so much time – and I wrote back – after much thought – I love you and apprecaite your response.

    I felt mixed about doing that until i read this today – Less was more – quiet would have been seen as the silent treatment – so thank you! Cat

  39. GailNHB
    August 28, 2008

    Silence. Surrender. Peace, Love. Joy. Laughter. Free stuff. Sign me up!

  40. Karen Maezen Miller
    August 29, 2008

    And Spielbee wants one too

  41. nyjlm
    August 29, 2008

    practice, practice, practice. I’m trying…and trying to be kind to myself in so doing.

  42. Meg Casey
    August 29, 2008

    No words–just gratitude. Thank you Karen.

  43. Anonymous
    August 30, 2008

    I want to win.

    joycesmith4@hotmail.com

  44. Chris Austin-Lane
    August 30, 2008

    I don’t suppose bad intentions are much better. I intended to make it to Colorado today but find myself ecstatic to be here in western Kansas.

    –Chris

  45. Leah
    August 30, 2008

    i missed the boat on the giveaway but this is one of my favorite books.

    thank you for reminding me that silence is the home of kindness. i’m taking that to sleep with me tonight.

  46. Swirly
    January 6, 2011

    Hitting PRINT ~ Pasting this into my journal, to read again and again.

  47. Gerrianne Clare
    January 7, 2011

    Love this post on lovingkindness. It is so true that you cannot do kindness as it has a place of hidden expectation.

    Thanks for the inspiration

  48. Angela DiGiovanni | life * poetry * art
    January 8, 2011

    Some say Shakespeare’s quote: “Expectation is the root of all heartache” is sad and apathetic. I say, to live without expectation frees us and opens the door to possibility. We ‘do’ expectation all the time. All the time. It binds us and sets us up for disappointment. I’ve learned to replace expectation with gratitude for what is.

  49. Tamara
    January 8, 2011

    i am so happy i found your blog…thank you ali edwards blog! this is beautiful!!

  50. Paul Brennan
    January 10, 2011

    thank you.

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